Why Perfect Might Not Be Perfect for You

Answer this question:

"What's your type?"

You know when you hear those words, people aren’t usually inquiring about your blood type or your favorite font: they are inquiring about your taste in dating. They want to know all the qualities that comprise your dream person, your IDEAL.

Well, if you're not currently in head over heels love, you probably don't know your type. Because you have to be the type, for your type too!

And you're only guessing, based off of fantasies rather than experience, because if it were from experience it would've worked out, right?

Having a super-specific type is how you get stuck in repetitive patterns of toxic, or even simply lackluster, relationships. You go after the same personalities that can clash with your own, or even just people with a certain look who have been not what they seemed. They are ill-fitting.

A type based solely on appearance is never healthy, mostly because it's so specific that you never find it, and you misguidedly compare every person to this vision in your head. 

Let me set up a scene for you. You're dating the most beautiful person you've ever met, who looks like their face was grown in the image of your list of most attractive features. 

Sounds like Heaven? But wait— they have absolutely nothing in common with you and is a pain in ass to be around.

That would be a deal breaker, right? Looks alone can't make a relationship magical. Of course, it is possible to find someone who fits all your requirements.

However, the main problem with fixating on a "type" is that you ignore how they actually fit with you. 

You brush off the ones that might not look the part right way but could make you laugh so hard you almost pee your pants, or who also loves your favorite TV shows, which let's face it, says a lot about a person. After all, we are what we watch.

When it comes to dating, you should have your eyes closed and your heart open. Or your eyes open and your weird fantasies about marrying the prom king or queen on silent.

Your type should be kind, funny, easy to be with and sweet, so when it comes to specifics, it’s best to be as open as possible.

It will expand your options and present types you didn't even know you could want. And let's face it--looks fade, but real love with the right person lasts forever. 

So snap out of that dream and the restrictions that are constricting you. Wake up and fall in love.

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Rules of engagement

Guest Blog By Barry Selby

How does a strong, successful single woman find and date the right guy, and enjoy true romance?

You are a powerful woman. Single, strong, dynamic. In business, you are successful, a force to be reckoned with, and you take no prisoners. Metaphorically, of course!

This business model you have learned doesn't translate well to romance. You may have already discovered this. More than once.

You may have an MBA, attended business school, or had a business coach to help you achieve your success in business.

Did you attend romance classes or relationship school, or study the art and science of dating? Probably not. Yet you are supposed to know how to do relationship as well as you do business. Isn’t that a touch absurd?

Successful dating and fulfilling relationship rarely comes naturally.

How do you ensure success in your romantic life? How do you ensure a positive experience on your dates? How do you make deep connection, create intimacy, express and achieve your relationship desires without any education?

Without getting help or learning from an true relationship attraction expert, or taking specific classes, it’s easy to fail. Being successful in relationship, like business, is much more likely when you have educated yourself about your heart and love.

Because of my own past dating mistakes and relationship heart-break (guys are not immune), I committed myself to study how to do this better, to learn about true love, relationships, and do the heart-work necessary to heal. I now dedicate my life to sharing what I learned. I have learned a few things that might help you.

Like business, there are rules for romance (I even wrote a book about it!), and rules for romantic engagement. Some of these rules are very different for men and for women.

Approaching the dating scene, and men in particular, the same way you approach business is not very effective. You already experienced this.

What’s the solution? How do you find and connect with a man that you truly want to commit to? How do you meet this man who will be there for you, who will lead in a powerful and trustworthy way, who honors you, respects you, and who you really want?

In the deeper arena of romance and relationship (beyond online dating and swipe apps), the true chemistry is generated by the masculine-feminine polarity between partner who are attracted to each other. This polarity is based on being energetically different from each other. Trust me, you want this.

To honor and deepen this polarity, as a feminine woman, you don’t hunt or pursue your prospective man. That’s his role. This is the first rule, the first lesson:

Ladies, you don’t hunt your mate. You attract him.

Stop hunting, searching, seeking, swiping, impatiently texting him.

I’ll let that settle in for a moment.

You attract your man.

When you choose to be in your feminine heart, you have an incredibly powerful “love magnet” that can draw to you whatever you truly align with and want. This is your most vital tool in attracting and enjoying healthy relationship.

Ever watch period movies? Or read books of that time? It was a time of chivalry, a time for ladies and gentlemen. Ah, those were the days!

At that time, there was a well known way that a woman would get a man to notice her. She would drop her handkerchief in front of him. Being a gentleman (yes, they still exist!), he would pick it up and offer it back to her. This was flirting and opened the conversation, as both parties had stated their interest in the others.

She made it clear she is interested in him, and he made it clear he was interested in her. She didn't pursue him. And she was very relaxed and comfortable, not stressing or efforting. How would that be if you did that?

Hint, not hunt. Ladies, that should be your mantra.

Be a selective receiver. Rather than pursue your dates, learn how to attract them. And be very clear on who you want, and who you don't want. Doing this first, will make your dating experience much more enjoyable and successful.

There are additional powerful ways you can get clear to attract who you really want. Find out more - begin with my 3 major keys to attracting love that will change your love story - http://BarrySelby.com

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